Last December, I selfishly asked the Lord to give me someone whom I can confide into, talk to when there's basically nothing to talk about nor practically no one else to talk to. I wanted someone who will be there when I needed him and when I really don't. When God answered my prayers, I was overwhelmed with what was in front of me and did not think twice about it at all. After all, it was a blessing.
And I was happy, really happy. It made me look forward to something everyday; a refreshing change from the grim banality of my existence. My gal pals even said I physically changed. That's right, he was actually able to affect me and changed a part of me. And was this bad? For a person who likes things the way they are, it was. Though I felt light-hearted most of the time, there were always worries at the back of my head.
So, when I felt that everything was going too fast and too serious, I once again asked God for signs whether to continue our relationship or not. Again, I was given the signs -- or so I thought. My friends have never failed to warn me about believing or relying too much in signs. What can I do? I have faith and I am a hopeless romantic.
However, little did I know that things were taking a bad turn. Small misunderstandings had led to a state of incommunicado for days, and interventions from "external factors" have stirred the waters too much. It had gone too complex for something that was supposed to be simple.
I thought I could just wait things out. Wait until their issues were resolved. I waited, waited, and waited, and waited some more. Now, I realize that it was all in vain. I have always felt that it was not that special, that it was simply a temporary high, a quick fix, and an easy answer.
I felt guilty over feeling that way because it is very selfish. When I found out today that he is already attached to someone else, I strangely felt relieved. Of course, naturally I became sad; however, at the same time, I felt relieved because now I know where I stand.So, to him I give my thanks because he's finally out of my life and I can go on living peacefully.
